My father use to tell me, to love a man who treats you like a princess, a man that’s loyal, loving, trustworthy, a man that lives and loves for you. I always took that advice to heart, and as I was a little girl I looked up to my parents, I thought they had a fairytale romance. I thought that they never had any bruises or bumps in the road. I thought I wanted what they had, because I thought it was beautiful. I thought.
You know, when you’re young your parents hide things from you, they say they were “protecting you.” Protecting me from what, not being hurt, I guess? I mean, why not get the hurt over with, instead of waiting until I’m old enough to understand. Then the hurt will just constantly haunt the back of my heart. I was seventeen when I first found out my father had cheated on my mother.
For a moment, there was an ounce of hate inside my soul for him, an aching, a question of why? I couldn’t understand. She told me, “it was the past, in the beginning years of our marriage. Don’t hate him.” I don’t hate him, I don’t. I just, I don’t know if I can forgive and forget. There’s a part of me that questions the loyalty of all men now you see, if my father, the one man I look up to, the superhero of my life, did that to my mother… Then, any guy could do it to me.
I have constantly asked myself, “does monogamy exist?” It’s a question the man I love, the man I marry, must answer for me. My answer for him, will be yes, yes it does. My answer will be shown in the love I have for him, and only him. I am just terrified, one day I will find the answer of no in the late night phone calls to a strange number, or in the nights he “works late.” I am scared I have been damaged by my parent’s past.